Mexican Daredevil

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Howie and I got back from a relaxing and fun vacation in the Mayan Riveria last week and I have to say, I’ve come home with a new and intriguing perspective of my husband. I don’t know if it was the warm weather, the fact we were vacationing with friends, (or more probably the tequila) but something came over my usually hesitant Howie and turned him into a connoisseur of trying new things.

Playa del Carmen

It started with the food. For years, I’ve tried to convince Howie he might actually like certain seafoods besides beer-battered haddock. In the heat of the dinner moments he started trying shrimp, sushi and even mussels. His face would scrunch up as he anticipated a disgusting bite, then, his face relaxed, eyebrows raised, and he exclaimed, “Actually, that isn’t so bad!”

Then he participated in the resort pool competitions, losing only by a hair in the kayaking beer-chugging contest. Next, on an excursion we descended into a cenote (underground cave filled with pristine rain-water) and Howie was the first one to jump off the rock into the water (a feat that even I, was too scared to do). To top it off he was mildly attacked by a parrot on his shoulder.

The most thrilling feat of all, however, was when our excursion took us to the edge of a jungle cliff and told us we were all going to rappel down. His cautious instincts kicked in full force at that point:

Howie: Cheryl, this is crazy. Are they seriously making us all do this?!

Cheryl: Yah. This is kinda nuts. I’m not sure about this.

(We walk over to the ledge and look down)

Cheryl: Ummm… I’m not so sure I’m going to do this

Friends: What? You’re not going to go down?

Cheryl: I don’t know….

Howie: It’s ok! It’s ok everyone! I will escort Cheryl down on the trail!

Instructor: No no! You will be fine! Everybody does this!

Howie: Babe, you don’t have to do this. Don’t worry I will walk you down the side

Cheryl: Actually I think I’m going to do it Howie.

Howie: (Eyes bulging) What?! No, no, don’t be silly. There’s no shame. Don’t do anything you don’t want to do

Cheryl: No I think it’s fine Howie. They said 80 year old ladies did it. I’m going to do it.

Howie: (High-pitched groan) Are you sure?

Our friend Denise rappelling down!

Our friend Denise rappelling down!

(We start putting on our gear and get in the line, Howie repeatedly tells me it’s ok if I want to turn around and walk down because he will escort me. Soon, a lady in front of us starts freaking out)

Freaked Out Lady: No! No! I’m not going to do this. Unhook me! I can’t do this!

Instructor: Yes you can! Look at my face! Look in my eyes! You are fine! You can do this!

Freaked Out Lady: No no I can’t! I can’t do this! Let me out!

Everyone else: Come on! You can do it! It’s ok!

Howie: It’s ok! No need to do it if you don’t want! I will assist you and walk you down!

Instructor: Everybody stop talking! Listen lady, trust me! I do this all the time. You can do it!

Howie: It’s ok if you can’t do it! No shame in it! I will help you walk down the side!

(Freaked Out Lady decides she can’t do it right away. She goes to the back of the line. I assume the next position to go down)

Cheryl: Don’t worry Howie, I will go first. Just watch me!

Instructor: Ok mister give your wife a last kiss goodbye!

Howie: (Groans)

Cheryl: She’s kidding babe!

(I cautiously start to repel down the side, it’s not so bad at all. I stand with the other people at the bottom and wait for Howie)

Howie: (Muttering about craziness and dying from up there)

Cheryl: Come on babe you can do it!

(Howie starts slowing descending down)

Friends: Look around you Howie! Look down! It’s beautiful!

Howie: NOT LOOKING DOWN! NOT LOOKING ANYWHERE!

(Howie takes a peak and looks down)

Howie: Oh sh*t!

Cheryl: You’re almost there! Keep going!

(Howie makes it to the bottom)

Howie: WOOOOO!

Friends: See? Wasn’t that fun?

Howie: NO!

Despite saying he did not have fun, I knew he couldn’t admit to it after making a big deal about it. I was truly impressed with Howie. His adventuresome seems to come out when we go on hoildays. I supposed we will need to go on a lot more of these…..

Do you find you’re more likely to try things out of your comfort zone when you go on vacation?

Why You Need a Yoda

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One of the repetitive tips a business student receives from guest speakers, motivators and profs is to “find yourself a mentor.” It sounds great, they mean well, but how many of us actively pursued finding a mentor? Few. Very few.

Finding a mentor to me brought visions of intimidating power-suited, stiletto-clicking, smart-talking, out-of-my-league accomplishing women who would look at someone like me and say, “Oh dah-ling, by your age I had already become VP of Fabulously Enviable International Ventures and managed a staff of for-tay.”

Meryl Streep as scary, intimidating, stiletto-clicking, power-suited successful woman in Devil wears Prada

The sheer fear of having to approach an older, wiser, more accomplished adult was almost overwhelming. So many of us try to seek advice and support in more passive avenues. We attend networking events, we might chat with profs during office hours, and if we are feeling slightly brave, might go up to the guest speaker after the presentation and personally ask a few questions. All of these are great things to do, but when it comes to personal support, these other avenues don’t even hold a candle to the kind of empowerment that comes with having a mentor.

Hundreds of articles have been written about the benefits of mentors which most often include networks, accountability and refining skills. While all these benefits are true, I want to share what I believe to be most compelling, at-the-heart-of-the-matter benefits of having a mentor.

1. Confidence

Confidence to pursue goals and believe in my ability to accomplish things has by far been the most rewarding aspect of having a mentor. When I say confidence I don’t mean arrogance, I mean that inner conviction that you have what it takes, you trust in your abilities, and your ideas are worth hearing. Having a mentor who not only models confidence, but teaches me how to be confident has been indispensable. Every time I come home after dinner with my mentor I am on such a high that I fly into our condo and announce just how excited I am to take on the world. Poor Howie doesn’t understand sometimes, “Babe! I’ve been telling you for weeks that you can do it! I think you’re the smartest person in the world! How come you believe her when she says it and not me?!” Well Howie, you kind of have to think I’m amazing, my mentor doesn’t. So as unfair as it is to Howie, encouragement from a super cool non-family member looking in on your life can sometimes be the missing key to finally having the confidence to go for it. Confidence turns ideas and goals into action and reality.

2. Wisdom

Sometimes our generation is in such a rush to have it all and have it fast that we like to downplay our weaknesses. We fear showing a chink in our armour lest we be judged as incompetent and incapable. My mentor created a space where I didn’t have to be “on” all the time. By being comfortable I could be honest about myself, my career, and we were able to have genuine, authentic conversations. She imparted years of wisdom on a number of issues that had secretly worried and stressed me out for years. One being that for my entire life I’ve felt all over the place with my roles, my interests, and stressed about the fact I wasn’t honing in and focusing on developing one specific expert ability (like they tell us all to do in business school). She looked at me and said, “Cheryl, the person who told us we all need to spend thousands of hours becoming an expert was a man who probably couldn’t multi-task. It isn’t true. It’s the people who have depth and breadth that are the visionaries and leaders. They understand how things relate from a top-level perspective. They are the people that manage the experts.” I can’t explain how liberating that was to hear.

3. A Plan

If you find a good mentor, he or she will invest time in you for life. You may not meet so frequently all the time, but the relationship will always be there. A mentor genuinely cares about your future and will want to help you articulate your goals and the steps you need to take now to reach your goals. How often do we set time aside for ourselves to map out what we want to do in five years? Ten years? Twenty? Probably not often. And with a mentor this is exactly what you do. Plus, they open a lot of doors to help you get there.

4. A Sounding Board

Mentors provide an outsider’s perspective on the issues you face. They aren’t your boss, they aren’t your spouse, they aren’t your parents. They are unbiased, they have been there, and they get it. Mentors are the ultimate people you want to tell your most out-there, crazy ideas to because they will tell you the truth. They will tell you if there’s an element about your idea you should go for, and they help you consider ideas from perspectives you would have never thought. From how to implement a new marketing strategy, to managing people, to managing work-life balance, and initiating uncomfortable conversations, your mentor is the Mickey* in your corner.

Ultimately the decision to pursue a mentor-relationship is entirely up to you. For some people, they will not see the need or will not be able to get over the fear of approaching a potential mentor. But for those of you who are serious about carving out an exceptionally successful life and/or career, mentorship is absolutely key.

The most magical mentor-mentee relationship

Think about it… where would Luke be without Yoda? Bieber without Usher? Harry without Dumbledore? Zuckerberg without Andreessen? Jagr without Lemieux? Neo without Morpheus? Almost every great leader (fiction and non-fiction) had a mentor. Mentorship is so worthwhile. It’s worth your time to make it happen.

Thoughts on mentorship? Am I overestimating its value?

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* Mickey: Are you serious? You’ve never watched Rocky?! Go and educate yourself immediately by watching this.

Next post, look forward to some tips on how to find a good mentor!

Like this post? Then you might also like my tips for Climbing the Corporate Ladder

“Too Poor to Have Kids”

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I came across this article in the Huffington Post, but if you don’t have time to read the article in its entirety here is the Modern Wife recap:

  • The article asserts that “young Americans are just too poor to have kids”
  • Population growth is at its all-time slowest growth rate since the Great Depression, and the birth rate has been falling since the housing bubble burst in 2007
  • Average wage of college-educated 23 to 29 year olds plunged 9% in the last decade
  • Three in 10 of these young adults are choosing to move back in with their parents rather than beginning their own households and families
  • For the first time in U.S. history, unmarried households outnumber married couples
  • Economic growth is expected to continue to be sluggish because the labor force is growing at a slower rate. Population growth is the key driver for consumer spending, housing demand, and household formation

Bottom line is, according to this article: poor economy is propelling many of us millennials to delay or opt out of having our own families.

So what exactly is going on here fellow Generation Y’ers? Are we really too poor, too down and out, too financially strapped to venture out and begin our own households? The more I considered this article the more convinced I became that the economy is just a small little piece of the “millennials aren’t reproducing” pie. We need a generational attitude shift.

I’m going to take you back to early1960 when a young couple decided to get married. Having emigrated to Canada with their respective families as children in 1950, they left behind a war-ravaged European country that had no jobs, little food, and scarce opportunities. With little more than the clothes on their backs and a few pieces of luggage, their families made the long passage across an ocean landing  on the east coast at Halifax. From there, a long train ride took them into southern Ontario. These large double-digit families rented small farmhouses built for six and worked on other Canadian farmers’ fields to make a living. Everyone, fathers, mothers, teenagers and young children pitched in.

The Dutch farming community of southern Ontario was fairly close-knit and that how this young couple met and fell in love. Barely past their teenage years, they got married and started their own household in much the same manner their parents did: renting and working on other people’s farms. Up until the day they got married, that young man gave his paycheque to his parents. The couple soon welcomed their first child and were thrown into parenthood in living conditions that involved outdoor bathroom facilities.

Year by year and four children later, they worked their tails off and gradually carved out a nice living for themselves. He went to night school and became a technician at a booming car plant and she became a self-employed cleaner when she wasn’t raising children. Fifty-two years later, they are retired and live in the third home they’ve owned, spend their winters in Florida, and play golf in the summer. These people were my grandparents, and they kick-ass.

Considering their story, and thousands of other stories from grandparents just like them, the “we are too poor to have children” dilemma just doesn’t add up in this millennial’s mind. Are we actually too poor to have children? No. We think we are. And there’s a lot of other self-interests we want to pursue before we have them. The economy is a just handy excuse to use when you need to keep a grandchild-craving in-law at bay.

We were raised in a culture that promotes the pursuit of personal ambition. We were raised thinking things like televisions, video-games, cell phones, and iPods ranked right up there with water, food, and shelter on the list of life’s essentials. Have a family before you own your home? Shocking! Move out of mom and dad’s place before you have your own high def TV? Oh the humanity! Get married before I’m a senior manager and have a pension set? Stop! You’re killing me! These thoughts cause heart palpitations to millennials.

How can a generation who was raised with everything, be motivated to start out with less than their parents? Though our grandparents and parents had every best intention at heart in wanting to give us more than they had as children, something has become lost on us. Something to do with hard work, sweat, tears, patience, making something out of nothing, and a willingness to roll up our sleeves has become lost on the millennial generation. We want success, we want wealth, and we want it now. Children, families, and “settling down” have to take a backseat until we feel we have it all together.

Of course I am generalizing, of course there are exceptions. But take a good hard look at the 20-somethings in your life and I think you will find some truth to what I’m saying. Is it wrong to pursue a career? Is it wrong to want it all together before we start our own households and have children? Maybe not. But let’s call it for what it is.

No, we are not too poor to have children. My grandparents were too poor to have children, my parents didn’t “have it all” to have children, but they had children anyway.

Thoughts welcomed. Was I too harsh on my generation? Are we too poor to have kids?

Featured on NuggleMama!

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I’ve been a fan of Julia from NuggleMama for a while now. Her seriously savvy blogging skills are an inspiration. The fact that she is a fellow Canadian makes my admiration even that much greater. So when she chose me to be her featured Canadian Blogger last Friday I could not have been more excited!

Please check out my revealing tell-all interview with Julia and if you’re feeling extra friendly, leave a little comment! While you’re there, I highly recommend you check out other areas of her blog, you won’t be disappointed!

Hockey Wives

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For the record, I was never a puck bunny.* The fact that Howie and I started dating in his first year of the OHL was merely a coincidence. I did not hang around arenas scoping out hockey players, never once attended a team party and certainly never attended an ice hockey game wearing a mini-skirt. Yes, I like how Howie looks in shoulder pads, but that does not make me a puck bunny. Despite these truths, friends endearingly like to tease me with this name.

Though it’s been a while since I’ve watched Howie play competitive hockey, I was really looking forward to watching him compete in a for-charity ball hockey tournament with some friends a few weekends ago. The fact that he was playing with the new husband of my friend (and former basketball teammate) Melissa meant I had a cheering buddy. And when you get two competitive former basketball players cheering together, things can get pretty serious. When you add in a Loud Mouth who purposefully hooks* our men in the nuts, things get ugly.

The fun-loving charitable atmosphere took a turn for the worst when our men had to compete against a rather brutish oaf who clearly talked smack because he enjoyed getting a rise out of his opponents. After a few initial dirty plays and smart-aleck remarks, we soon had the entire crowd cheering for our team to spite this ridiculous Loud Mouth. At first our boys tried to maintain the higher ground, play on and ignore the fool. It wasn’t as easy for us Hockey Wives to do the same. And so the game digressed….

Here is my account of the Tale of Two Hockey Wives and the Loud Mouth

Loud Mouth cross-checks Howie across the back, Howie shoves him in the chest (so hot)

Loud Mouth: “You wanna go man?!”

Howie (who is twice his size): “Are you serious?”

Loud Mouth backs away shouting: “Ooo big tough guy eh?”

Melissa: “What is your problem?! Play the game!!”

Cheryl: “I hope you realize this is a recreational ball hockey tournament!!”

Loud Mouth: “Why are you guys even talking?! You’re not even playing!”

Melissa: “Neither are you!”

Cheryl giggles: “Shhh.. careful Melissa… he’s an idiot. We should just ignore him”

Melissa: “It’s impossible to ignore those kind of people. I can’t stand them!”

Cheryl: “I know… he’s just trying to cause trouble.”

Loud Mouth becomes excessively aggressive with Howie’s younger brother Bret, and causes a scene in which both he (Loud Mouth) and Bret end up with penalties.

Loud Mouth to Bret: “Hahaha! What a joke! You think you’re good eh? You’re the worst!”

Bret: “Wow dude. You have issues. Have you ever even got laid?”

Cheryl: “BRET! Don’t say things like that!”

Melissa: “Don’t stoop to his level Bret! He’s not worth it!”

Loud Mouth: “Hahah! I’m not worth it? Ok. Why are you still talking?”

Melissa: “Get over yourself and just play the game!”

Cheryl: (Giggles) “Nice one.”

Loud Mouth continues to do idiotic things, gets a few penalties and eventually gets kicked out of the game.

Loud Mouth: “Hahaha what a joke! They think they’re so good! They suck!”

Melissa: “Ya. Just walk off and sit down.”

Loud Mouth: “Oh really? You think you’re funny?”

Melissa: “Your FACE is funny.”

And there it was. The best line ever. When all else fails, just remember the lines from grade school playgrounds. I was laughing so hard at that point. Loud Mouth didn’t have a reply to that. Take THAT Loud Mouth!

Our boys went on to win their division championship. Howie told me I’m not supposed to reveal there was only three teams in the division how truly difficult and hard-fought the victory was. In the end, we Hockey Wives were very proud of our men and their glorious accomplishment. We stand ready to challenge anyone that would say otherwise!

* Puck bunny: Female fan of hockey players (emphasis on the player, not the game of hockey) who frequent arenas and hockey team parties for the sole purpose of hooking up with players. They severely underdress for a sport known to be played on ice.

Boeterkoek Craving

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I was feeling nostalgic and craving sweets at the same time so I decided to bake up something I remembered fondly in my childhood: boeterkoek. Boeterkoek is a standard Dutch gebakje (baked good) which directly translated means “butter cake.” As with many Dutch treats, the almond extract is one of the defining flavours. The crispy top made possible by the brushing of an egg yolk before baking and the moist centre make the boeterkoek one of my all time favourite companions to a good coffee break. The recipe I used can be found here.

Howie: Looks good babe! 

Cheryl: Thanks.

Howie: You know what would make this even better?

Cheryl: (coughs) Ummm... better? Howie this recipe is a family
heirloom how dare you suggest there's something wr-

Howie: If you put fruit and whip cream on it.

Cheryl: Fruit and whip cream? What? Howie you are just supposed to 
eat it as is. We've never put fruit and whip cream on boeterkoek.

(Howie proceeds to put fruit and whip cream on his slice)

Cheryl: Pass me that fruit and whip cream.

Howie: I don't think so. You said you didn't want any.

Cheryl: Just pass it over. I have to "test" it. Just to prove this
recipe is perfect the way it is.

(I taste it, it's unbelievably delicious)

Howie: Good eh?

Cheryl: It's alright.

Dang it. He has managed to improve a perfect Dutch dessert. Why didn’t I think of that? I highly suggest you add some fruit and a little whip cream to your boeterkoek.

The Name Change Discussed

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Last month I explored my feelings about the decision of married women to change their last names. It resulted in quite a lively discussion with many readers weighing in through comments and the survey. We heard from different cultures, different generations and of course, heard lots of differing opinions. As promised, I’m sharing the results of that survey among some of my favourite comments.

  • Of the women who responded to the poll, 63% changed or plan to change their name. Over half of those women said it didn’t even cross their minds to keep their names or they thought it was best for a family.
  • 10% of the women hyphenated their last names or were still undecided.
  • 27% of the women polled said they did not, or will not change their last names. Half of these women said they were keeping their last name because they were too attached to change it. One-quarter of the non-changers kept their names because they were “too lazy” or didn’t like the sounds of their partner’s name, and the remainders thought the practise was sexist.

The results of my informal survey actually fell in the same distribution as a much larger survey conducted in 2011. Generally, about two-thirds of North American women still prefer to change their names. A connection to the personal identity one feels with their name and the professional reasons for keeping one’s name were the most cited reasons for not changing to your partner’s name.

Some of my favourite comments from your responses to my post included:

“I took my husband’s last name but i added it to my three names because, the way I saw it, marrying him added something to my life and who I am. It didn’t replace who I was and it didn’t trump the me i had been for twenty-three years.”

“In my family it’s not a question of “will you change your name” but “WHY would you change your name?” I have always been very impressed by my mom who didn’t change her name in 1975, when it was still very much expected. And as for your children having a different last name, I can honestly say that it made absolutely no difference in my life, we don’t live in the 1800s, we introduce people by their first names now.”

“I was personally one of those who dreamed of getting married just so I COULD get rid of my last name. It’s not horrible, but I did get made fun of enough to scar me for life. Now I like to say that God was exercising his sense of humor when He matched me with someone with the most generic last name in the country. I love being Mrs. Smith.”

“I was honored to be able to take the hubs last name as my own because not only did it symbolize our union but it provided me with a connection to the hubs father who died two years before mine. That being said, it was just as important and meaningful to me to keep my last name so that I always have that link to my family and of course my dad. I made my maiden name my middle name and took my husbands last name as my last name.”

“I could not answer your poll because my answer was not an option! When we got married my husband decided to take my name. Where we’re from it is not that unusual though the norm would still be to have the woman change her name. For me that was never an option as my surname is unique, which is quite useful in these days of globalization and internet. As it is a very unusual surname it has also been an important part of me growing up and I identify very much with the name as you also did, very often people would just refer to me by my last name – so how could I change that? My husband is a progressive guy (I would not have married him otherwise) and he likes my name also so decided that he changes his surname.”

“There are many reasons pro and con to change your name. Unfortunately one of the biggest reasons people change is to have children that have the same name as you, which really takes a lot of the decision out of your hands. Some couples choose to both hyphenate thereby taking on two new “identities”. Whatever your choice is talk it out with your fiance/husband and come to a decision that you both are most comfortable with!”

“What’s the difference, my dad’s name or my husband’s name? Personally, I think it would be cool to make a new name when you get married, to represent your new oneness. What would you think of Duivtin? Or Marteyn?”

“Here in Switzerland, you have four options of name change when you get married, but keeping just your maiden name is NOT an option unless your husband takes your name, too. Made the decision very simple for me!”

“In the Netherlands, no citizen is allowed to lose or change their birth name, unless under very specific circumstances (of which marriage is not one).”

It was such a relief to realize that other women felt this was a big decision to make as well, not just a “given.” I feel more at peace with my decision to just add his name, without taking mine away. Thank you to all the readers and contributors on this topic, I think it will help many other young millennial women explore this decision.

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If you liked this post, you may also want to check out another naming issue in my marriage: What’s in a Name (or, the Tale of Three Howards)

Young and Impulsive Once

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About two months ago Howie and I decided we should go on a vacation. My plot to have Howie catch the travel bug via our honeymoon in August was an overwhelming success. He now dreams wildly about all sorts of places he’d like to go such as China, Japan, Australia, more Europe, and down South. (I still haven’t been able to convince him we should go to Africa quite yet but all that’s all in good time my dears, all in good time).

Since we are trying to be somewhat responsible with money we decided that a big trans-oceanic, multi-thousand trip would be out of the picture. So Europe, Australia, Asia… you’ll have to wait a little longer for Mr. and Mrs. Martin to make their debut. Instead, we decided we’d head down south, where many fellow Canadians go to escape the grasp of Jack Frost. Now that we knew which direction we were headed, we had to decide where and how. All-inclusive? Cruising? Caribbean? Islands? Mexico? Cuba? So many choices.

(Driving home from work one weeknight)

Howie: We need to make a decision. What are we going to do?

Cheryl: I'm open to pretty much anything. If I had to choose, I'd
like to go somewhere that has some history to it. Not just beach.

Howie: I agree. Plus, I hate being hot.

Cheryl: Well... if we are going down south it's going to be hot.

Howie: I know I just mean I hate roasting on a beach all day I
want to see something.

Cheryl: Ok well did you like the cruises we were looking at?

Howie: You know I'd love to go on a cruise. But they were a
little over our budget don't you think?

Cheryl: Yeah.... I mean, if we wanted to stay in budget we should
just go to an all-inclusive. With cruises you always get that
awful bill at the end for all the alcohol and excursions you had.

Howie: You mean all the alcohol YOU had.

Cheryl: Yes, yes whatever. It's all just every expensive.

Howie: Yah, I know. But I just love cruises.

Cheryl: Me too.

(Pause)

Cheryl: Should we just book it?

Howie: We could. I mean, it will only make us like $1,000 over-
budget and really, what's $1,000 over the span of a lifetime?

Cheryl: Not much really.

Howie: Exactly.

Cheryl: Plus, when we are old and dying, do we want to say,
"Oh boy. I was able to pay off school loans about 1 year earlier
because I didn't travel that April in 2012." Or, do we want to
be able to say, "That was a kick-a** vacation we took in April
2012! Thank goodness we went on that! And look, our student loans
have been paid off for decades even though we still went on that
vacation!"

Howie: We definitely want to be able to say the second thing.
Plus,"And look, Howie still has a full head of hair!"

Cheryl: Yah, and if we don't go now, it will be harder and harder
to go away once we start having kids and stuff. 

Howie: Yah, I mean, I can barely leave Monica at her groomers, how
would I be able to leave kids for weeks?

Cheryl: Well I still want to vacation after we have kids Howie.
But anyways, let's just do it!

Howie: Yah we're young. It's not like we don't have time to
recover from the cost of this trip.

Cheryl: Yah, if we don't do impulsive things now, we can't be as
reckless once we get older.

We had come to such a high place of freedom and “live-life now” that we had convinced each other within a matter of seconds we should just splurge and go for the cruise. Then a few days later at a wedding, we started talking to some friends that were planning on vacationing at the exact same time we were planning to vacation. Coincidence?

They were planning on an all-inclusive. Something within our original budget.

They were planning to go with another couple, did we want to join?

We decided that this had to be a sign. A way to go on a vacation within a budget, have an awesome time with other couples, and still see some amazing historical landmarks by choosing a country with some history. And so, after a little back and forth the six of us decided that the Mayan Riviera was the place for us! An adults-only, all-inclusive, ancient Mayan ruin adjacent, paradise of a vacation awaits us!

Now…. I have about six weeks to get my body in bikini condition. Ay ca rumba!

Climbing the Corporate Ladder

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A few months ago I had the privilege of attending an informal women’s breakfast panel with the IWF (International Women’s Forum) in Waterloo. This was another inspiring experience where, once again, I had to pinch myself a couple times and wonder how I ever managed to roll with the likes of these awesome women! Pinching aside, this event was an incredible information-exchange in which panelists told personal stories and answered questions about their own unique career paths. I feel like I would have to write a novel to capture all the wisdom that dripped from that session but for now, I’ll settle for a brief blog post. So here you have it, curtesy of the amazing ladies of the Baby Boomer generation: the top five things millennial gals should know about succeeding in the corporate world:

1. The best career paths are winding, never straight.

We heard from a lawyer, marketing director, and HR VP. These same women had collectively quit a high paying job to take more education in Australia, obtained an advanced musical degree in voice and opera, worked in arts management, been a dancer, travelled the world for an international company, been involved in national companies, been part of local start-ups, taken mat leaves to raise children, worked in the financial sector, government sector, high-tech sector, and so much more. The resounding message from these women was that every single job, even the bad ones, provide you will tools and experiences that make you even more equipped for the next opportunity. The most valuable people in an organization are the ones who have vision. And the best visionaries understand the breadth and scope of different people, places and industries. Weigh the risks of taking on new experiences, but don’t be afraid to take them.

2. Language is power. 

What phrases are you guilty of using in the workplace?

  • I know you are really busy but I really need . . .
  • If it’s ok, I think we should …
  • I was thinking it might possibly be a good idea if we …
  • I really appreciate you taking the time out of your schedule to do this with me …
  • Let me know if you have any concerns about this and I can change it!
If you answered yes to any of the above (and we all have); STOP DOING IT.

Unfortunately a young woman’s tendency to think of others and not step on toes has made many of us into unassuming, beat-around-the-bush, never-want-to-interject pacifists. It’s all in the language ladies! If you called a meeting, don’t act like your time is less valuable than your colleagues, don’t crowd your sentences with “maybes” “possiblys” or “perhaps-es.” When someone interrupts your sentences don’t be so quick to back down. Put a polite finger up or mention that you were not done speaking. Use plain, direct, confident language that sets you up for respect and attentive ears, even from the oldest and most male co-workers you deal with.

3. Set goals for roles, not titles.

This piece of advice is golden. So often we have set the bar high with certain titles and salaries we want to achieve by a certain time. VP of this, director of that, make $100K by 30 and the list goes on. Goals are important, but make sure you set the right kind of goals. Decide what kind of work you want to do, what kind of role you want to play. What makes you happiest? What makes you want to pull your hair out? What kind of life do you envision? What kind of work environment do you picture yourself in? The great thing about these kind of goals are that by moving more and more toward roles, responsibilities, and environments that you enjoy, the chances are you are going to be more passionate and effective at what you are doing. Even more important than the name of the company, the industry, or the job, is the role.

4. Be patient.

Sounds simple, but then why are so many of us killing ourselves trying to achieve what took our parents and mentors years and years of hard work? Patience my dears, patience. The very best things in life take time. No other substitutes accepted. I’m not saying sit back and expect your career to just happen, I’m saying you need to view your career as a cultivated journey, never a final destination. Relish each moment for where you are in that time and don’t waste your energy lamenting over the fact that you haven’t made partner or junior VP quite yet. Excel at where you are, right now.

5. Long hours ≠ effectiveness.

Come again? Long hours, do NOT equal effectiveness. Here’s the truth ladies, you can burn the midnight oil and send emails to your team late into the night but the truth is that kind of thing isn’t going to put you ahead. Can you really be 100% at 1am after a 16 hour day? You need to figure out what it is in life that recharges your batteries and then carve that activity into your agenda. Is it a good workout? Some reading time? Art? A good night’s sleep? Spending time with family? Whatever it is that you need to do to keep yourself at 100% and healthy make sure you make the time! You are not helping anyone by running yourself ragged.

What lessons have you learned about creating success in the workplace?

Questionable Readers

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It’s Friday! Can’t wait for the weekend to start. I’ve got a big To Do list going with my planned bedroom makeover. Carpentry, sewing, and painting are all on the agenda, Howie’s going to love me for this. Since we can all use a laugh on Friday, I thought I would share the following experience related to blog management.

Every so often I like to take a little peek at my blog stats and see what kind of sites and search terms are bringing people to my blog. Most come from facebook, twitter, and other blogs I place comments on but there are a handful of visitors that find me through random Google search terms.

So you must understand I was a little taken aback when the following list of Google search terms popped up as the mode to which I gained new visitors.

“Burning boobs”? “Wife go wild”? “Bloodshot spot in my eye” twice? How are these people finding me? And what foreign term is that last one?

Thank you random Google searchers, for making me laugh, feel slightly repulsed, and oddly intrigued all at the same time! I think I will name this new emotion, “repulaughtrigue.”

Ten points to the person who can interpret the foreign search term! (Or just think of a really awesome possible interpretation).