In my opinion wedding speeches, when done right (or extremely wrong), can provide some of the most memorable moments of a wedding. I fondly think back to the wedding Howie and I attended a few years ago when the best man declared that the bride truly proved makeup can work miracles – you can’t help but to think back and remember those things with a smile. Luckily for us, speeches at our wedding surpassed the normal expectations of most wedding speeches and it was all kicked off by one of the best, best man speeches of all time, curtesy of Howie’s older brother.
Essentially he attempted to pass on the matrimonial wisdom he has gained as a husband of nearly two years. First and foremost, he warned Howie about throw pillows, which, until now, I never even imagined could be remotely terrifying. But to the unsuspecting male, throw pillows can eventually consume the home. First appearing in small numbers on a couch, they spread to chairs, beds, and even dining sets. They can multiply overnight and may not even serve a head-resting function for the excess of frills, braiding and slippery satin material.
The overall message to new husbands like Howie is to be prepared, don’t fight it, and just accept the importance of throw pillows to the home. This warning is utterly justified.
A day into our new life at home after the honeymoon we decided to go shopping and use some of the gift cards we received. After getting essentials like cutting boards and laundry baskets I steered toward the throw pillow section:
Me: Howie I’m just going to pick up some more throw pillows for the couch.
Howie: The couch already has cushions.
Me: Built in couch cushions are not throw pillows. I’m just going to get a few.
(I find about three pillows – totaling around $100)
Howie: $100 on pillows? I could buy 6 pairs of pants for that!
Me: I really hope you’re joking. Pants that cheap should not be worn.
Howie: There are so many other things we should spend $100 on.
Me: Howie we need these pillows. Trust me.
(Howie rolling eyes, shaking head)
Me: Oh what-EVER I’ll just get this ONE pillow then. But you can’t use it.
Howie: I didn’t say you couldn’t get them.
Me: (Sigh) I made it look like I’m sacrificing my wish in order to appease him, thereby invoking the “he owes me” factor. In reality, I decided I actually didn’t like the pillows so much and mentally laid out plans to go to a better store on my lunch break the next day.
The next day I arrived home with three new pillows. To me they started making our condo feel more like a home. A quick way to add pizazz, comfort, and unite the colour scheme I was going for. Howie tried to tell me the blue one didn’t match anything. I told him it matches our second bedroom. He didn’t understand why a living room pillow had to match a colour in a secondary bedroom. Men.
Long story short, don’t let throw pillows come between you and your spouse. Feathers are a royal pain to clean up. Trust me.