The Tale of Catherine Humphrey
I’ve been a princess, a poodle, a fairy princess, an angel, red riding hood, and a princess. As a Christian family we were slightly uncomfortable with the traditional witch/devil costume themes so I always had very wholesome get-ups lovingly crafted by my mom.
The first year of university I decided to be a witch for the first time ever and so I excitedly ran to Value Village and picked up a large black cloak, pointy hat, and painted all kinds of warts on my face. That’s when I realized Halloween in university was an excuse for most young ladies my age to wear sexualized versions of pretty much anything for one night and not be called hu-ores. (It’s actually amazing what kind of professions and animals can be turned into a sexy halloween costume. I once saw a “sexy” Ronald Regan costume – I only wish I was joking) Needless to say my warty baggy witch costume only slightly stood out – in a very non-sexy way.
In third year my friend and I last minute-ly decided to attend a Halloween party – only problem was, we had no costumes. In what I believed to be a stroke of alarming genius I proposed we go as Catherine Humphrey and her faithfully loyal assistant Tabitha Creaton.
Just who is Catherine Humphrey and Tabitha Creaton you might ask? My friend wondered the same thing.
I made them up. All we had to do was create name tags and play out our characters. Catherine, we told people, was a famous Canadian author and we proceeded to look shocked appalled when people did not know who she was. Tabitha was her faithful (and slightly challenged) assistant. To complete the look we created Cruella-deVille-like cigarettes, blacked out a few teeth (it made sense at the time) and put a pair of nerd glasses we had lying around (from a previous costume mistake). Giddy with the sheer genius of our costumes we arrived at the party ready to play out our characters. Unfortunately Catherine and Tabitha didn’t excite our friends as much as we had envisioned. Next to the sexy nurses, pirates and construction girls, people just didn’t “get” Catherine and Tabitha.
I learned some valuable lessons about dressing up as an adult for Halloween that night. 1) Some things are better left as inside jokes. 2) Rebelling against the sexist nature of female costumes makes you wait a LOT longer in lines. 3) Always make sure you make bad costume decisions with a friend. It detracts some, (but not all) the bad attention. Also, you should start drinking AFTER you’ve already come up with a costume.
And now, for your viewing pleasure, whenever you think YOU are having an off day, please view this photo, and start to feel better about yourself: