Yes. Against my better judgment we decided to get a dog. Enter Miss Monica Martin. We learned about Monica after contacting a mini schnauzer puppy breeder and asked if she had any adult dogs she needed to adopt out. She informed us that yes, there were two female dogs she was retiring from breeding puppies and she was looking for good homes. She strongly encouraged us to consider the black mini schnauzer because her tail, unlike most North American schnauzers, is NOT cropped. Making her way harder to find a good home for. I told her our minds were open (as long as this rat-like tail didn’t creep me out too much).
Then we met the dogs. And even though the rat-tail was a little unnerving, ultimately it was that dog’s personality that threw us off. She was shaking, petrified, and appeared to not like new people. We didn’t hit it off. Thankfully there was Monica. She was cute, friendly, and had an amazing ability to balance on her hind legs for long periods of time. We were sold. I felt a sense of guilt for not being able to provide a home for the ugly duckling, but, I’m sorry, if this dog is shaking in the home she grew up in for six years what’s she going to do with us?
When the day came to pick her up, Howie could not have been more excited. For a week he had been anticipating the arrival of his “precious little sweetie Monica.” I have never seen a grown man more enthralled with a little dog – it was adorable. The first few days Monica was so mournful and confused looking. She afraid of virtually everything. Her demeanor reminded me of those creepy creatures Ursula turned mermaids into when they couldn’t pay off their debts. Thankfully, every day gets better and better and we are like gushing new parents where every movement, every sound, everything she does is absolutely enthralling. We are convinced that we own the cutest and most wonderful dog in the entire world. I can only imagine how annoying we will be as parents. Judging by our behaviour with Monica, we will be the kind who responds with “Isn’t that just PRECIOUS?! He’s going to be an artist!” when our 5 year old kid smears red paint all over his great auntie’s white leather couch.
One of the most fascinating things about our dog is that she has the ability to speak to us through Howie. What started out as a hilarious little joke the first few days has now become an unstoppable (and disturbing) habit. Howie created a voice for Monica that resembles Gingy from Shrek and in this voice conducts discussions with our dog. I have literally watched Howie carry out entire conversations going between his own voice and Monica’s. The most disturbing part is that we both respond to this voice as if Monica was actually speaking to us. What is even more interesting is that Monica has strikingly similar goals and interests as Howie. In addition to taking the blame for all of Howie’s flatulence she additionally exhibits his same food preferences. This is an actual conversation from Sunday night:
Monica: I think we should get pizza tonight
Me: Oh really? Monica thinks we should get pizza tonight eh Howie?
Howie: I think she really likes it
Monica: I do, I really like it
Me: Ok right… Purina isn’t good enough for you anymore?
Monica: There’s a $5 medium pizza deal at Pizza Pizza
Cheryl: Wow! That’s impressive. How does Monica know these things?
Howie: She’s a very smart dog Cheryl.
The best part is when Howie forgets to switch back into his own voice.