faking incompetence

I owe an apology to Howie for my behaviour last night.

While we were enjoying the latest episode of Two and a Half Men (still not quite used to Aston Kutcher) I was spending some time surfing the net. The internet connection was being extremely fickle and we could no longer hear the show due to a crazy woman yelling at her computer. Howie suggested unplugging and re-plugging in the router cable. This is the conversation that ensued:

Cheryl: Yah maybe that will work. Can you go unplug it?

Howie: Cheryl, Monica is lying on my chest. Why can’t you go and unplug it?

Cheryl: I don’t know how.

Howie: Cheryl, come on. Don’t tell me you don’t know how to unplug the router.

Cheryl: I don’t Howie! Just go and unplug it.

Howie: No Cheryl. This is making me really upset. You can’t tell me that you don’t know how to unplug a cable.

Cheryl: Well I seriously don’t. I don’t know what you have going on over there. There’s a TV, X-box, cable box, router and all kinds of cords. You are the one who sets this stuff up just go unplug the cable.

Howie: Doesn’t your degree have “Technology” in the title? You cannot seriously sit there and tell me you don’t know how to unplug this cord.

(At this point I was considering caving, but I had gone too far in, couldn’t retract now).

Cheryl: PLEASE Howie I don’t know how ok?! I don’t know so just go unplug it! …. Please.

(Howie begrudgingly walks over, shaking his head and mumbling something about “remembering this”)

Cheryl: Thank you.

Howie: You’re not welcome Cheryl. I’m going to remember this next time you get mad at me when I tell you I don’t know how to do something.

Cheryl: Well seriously Howie, what grown human being with opposable thumbs can’t fold a shirt nicely?

Howie: What kind of grown human being who uses electronics can’t unplug a cord?

He had me there.

So in conclusion, Howie, I am sorry. You were right.

I DO know how to unplug the cord but it was easier to fake incompetence than to walk over and do it myself. I take comfort in the fact that I can safely bet I am not the only spouse who does this. I imagine that if anyone in a long-term relationship thinks hard enough they will realize their significant other isn’t truly as incompetent as they have been letting on.

Gentlemen, we DO know how to program the TV, reboot routers, hang pictures, and could probably scrape the ice off the car as well as you. Ladies, he DOES know how to fold a shirt, make a bed without lumps, give your pets their medicine and he could set the washer to the correct cycle (except if it’s a GE washer/dryer from like 1953 like ours, he’s not faking about that one). I apologize in advance if I burst anyone’s cover.

If your significant other is really awesome, they will pretend they never heard this.


6 thoughts on “faking incompetence

  1. I tend to do this often, and my fiance gives in knowing that I know full well how to do things on my own. He just spoils me and always lets me get away with it.


  2. I had the “I don’t know how to reset the router” conversation and “Dennis, go make onion pancakes (that’s a chinese dish). I don’t know how to…” conversation last week.

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