Single Girl Behaviours

Before co-habitating with a hubby, there are certain activities a millennial gal pursues in her alone time. Ladies, you know what I’m talking about so don’t pretend like I’m the only “weird” one. These behaviours may include but are not limited to:

  • Picking as many blackheads as possible and staring at them on a Kleenex
  • Making an entire bowl of cookie dough under the “guise” of baking for friends then eating half of if by yourself while watching Bridget Jones’ Diary. Actually, who am I kidding? We don’t make cookie dough, we buy it. And, we eat the whole thing.
  • Perfecting your stellar Single Ladies dance moves in front of your bedroom mirror (maybe that one is just me)
  • Wasting nearly three hours of potential effective time on filing, clipping, cleaning, buffing, trimming and polishing your nails
  • Becoming lost in a crazy web of internet searches that started with “Gossip Girl” and somehow ended with you watching the video for the world’s largest zit
  • Spending upwards of 14 hours straight watching entire seasons of TV’s most useless shows that you NEVER want anyone to find out you watch including (but not limited to): Jersey Shore, Meet the Kardashians, Laguna Beach, The Hills, Teen Mom, & 16 and Pregnant, or my personal shameful secret; Sister Wives
  • Tooting

And the list goes on. I think you get the idea.

Single girl behaviours are not the kind of thing you want your hubby to find out about, let alone witness first-hand. It can immediately lower your sex-appeal by 49% and it’s hard for him to ever take you seriously after he realizes you can be enraptured for hours by the shallow musings of Kim, Klohe, and Kourtney.

As tempted as a freshly married millennial lady will be to hide these behaviours, I highly recommend that you gradually break it to your man from day one that you are actually completely dorky (and sometimes gross) behind closed doors. Honesty is the best policy in marriage and if he truly loves you he will see past the toe nail clippings you leave on the floor and embrace your inner dork.

On the other hand, you don’t want to over-do it with these behaviours. My point is, don’t be afraid to let your guy in on the fact that you are not perfect, but do it in a way that he can still look you in the eye.  So make sure you reserve the bulk of the time spent on these things when he’s preoccupied with other things. Personally I find that when the Penguins are playing I could probably wear a blow-up sumo suit without him noticing.

How has your significant other reacted to your single girl behaviours?

12 thoughts on “Single Girl Behaviours

  1. Haha! This is exactly why I love when Geoff has Tuesday night soccer. It gives me my much needed ‘Loretta time’. I can toot, clip my nails, watch mindless tv, surf the net without him reminding me it is the ‘New number one reason for divorce’ and obsessively research wedding related topics online. In fact, Geoff loves it when I occasionally work weekends so he can have ‘Geoff time’. Not sure what he does during those hours… but that might be a good thing.

      • Ah…yes…wait until he’s more comfortable. I hate to throw mine under the bus because I love him dearly, but in my house, guy time definitely involves video games and copious amounts of beer and doritos. I cannot confirm or deny if there is cheese involved in one way or another, but there are definitely no pants. Just boxers…

  2. You forgot sliding down the hallway in your socks and your sexiest pair of undies, (ok maybe that one isn’t strictly for our age group), but there’s still gonna be a soft spot in your heart for boy bands (no matter how much you like or dislike Justin Beiber).

    Oh, and my husband HATES the smell of nail polish, even more than the smell of nail polish remover….weird, right? 🙂

    Awesome post!

  3. HOW do you know that I did all the things on that list?! Except after 10.5 years with the Hubs, he knows when I’m in the bathroom popping pimples. And it’s his job to tell me to cut it out. And truth be told, I’m the one that cuts his toenails b/c he doesn’t get his as short as I like them, so I just took over.

    Love your blog!

  4. I think they eventually discover these things, as much as you try to hide it. That last point killed me! My strategy, Denial lol. Men do more disgusting things so I’m not worried.

    xo Leah.

  5. This is too true! I remember the exact moment I confessed to Matt that, yes, I need to spend 20 minutes in the bathroom once and a while intensively plucking my eyebrows, or he’d wake up next to Sesame Street Bert. Illusion shattered!

  6. Haaaaaaaaaaaa. Oh my god. I seriously need to stop reading your posts at work!

    Hubs and I have been together since we were 15 so we were sort of let in to each others personal world a fairly long time ago. We each know when the other is partaking in some sort of behavior that the other might find slightly repulsive but that line really has become a big blur… you make a good point about the sex appeal thing though. Maybe I need to rethink some things…. 🙂

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