I can no longer describe our marriage length in terms in months, for we have officially passed our first-year anniversary! Baby, we did it! They say the first year can be one of the most difficult a couple can go through, so if minor arguments over movies, cell phones, and pants were the “tough” parts, we are doing ok!
Apparently for us, it’s year two that’s proving to be more difficult, as we discovered about 4.5 hours into the first day of our second year. Oh the stories I could tell you about our “romantic” weekend at Granny’s cottage… I would require more than a simple blog post. But for now, I will settle on sharing just a few details about our anniversary weekend; dog vomit, fish hooks, and all.
Things you need to know before reading further:
- Our wedding anniversary fell on a long weekend which we decided to spend with Howie’s entire extended family at his Granny’s cottage
- Our dog Monica has an extremely sensitive stomach
- Howie’s cousin Dean owns a old, long-nailed, scabby-legged Jack Russel with a severe non-stop shaking issue, his name is Whisky
We were blissfully asleep in Granny’s guest room, when all of a sudden at 4am, we awoke to a sharp, irritating yelp going off about every five seconds. Was Granny having a nightmare? No, Dean had gotten fed up with Whisky’s barking and moved him from the bunkie into the main cottage, for all to hear.
Granny: “Dean! Dean! Get that dog out of here!”
Whisky: ARP! ARP! ARP!
Granny: “Whisky shut up! Be quiet!”
Whisky: ARP! ARP! ARP!
Granny: “Dean I mean it! Get that dog out of here!”
Dean: “Geez Granny I can’t take him anymore!”
Granny: “Well don’t bring him in here! Get out!”
Finally, we could go back to sleep. But wait, what’s that? Oh yes. Monica just vomited all over Granny’s bedspread.
Cheryl: “Howie! Howie! Monica’s puking! No! She’s ruined Granny’s sheets!”
Howie: “Monica noooooo!”
Cheryl: “Get her off of here Howie! This is why I tell you not to let her sleep up here!”
Howie was in the process of putting on his shoes and taking her outside, when…
Cheryl: “No!! She’s got diarrhoea all over Granny’s carpet!”
Howie: “Monica! Let’s go outside!”
Howie took Monica outside while I tried as swiftly as possible to clean up the sheets and the carpet. Then Granny woke up. Long story short, she provided a lot of advice on how to clean up everything. From using copious amounts of Sunlight dish detergent to using two feet instead of my one foot to blot out the stain. I felt terrible.
By the time the messes were taken care of it was almost 6am so I joined Howie outside and we went on a little de-stressing walk. By the time we came back the sun was fully up and we weren’t inclined to go back outside. I decided to read my book in the lawn chair while Howie went fishing.
Howie: “Darn! I don’t think there is the right kind of attachment in here…”
Cheryl: “What do you mean?”
Howie: “I’m just worried that this lure could fall off, I don’t have the right kind of clip to make it stay on.”
Cheryl: “Well then don’t use it.”
Howie: “But I really like this one.”
Howie: “I’m sure it will be fine. I won’t lose it.”
Cheryl: “Howie, don’t use it if you could lose it.”
Howie: “It will be fine.”
Cheryl: “Ok, but I’ve warned you.”
I go back to reading my book. In what seems like two minutes later…
Howie: “Cher! I’ve lost the lure!”
Cheryl: “I told you not to use it.”
Howie: “I’m going in.”
Cheryl: “You’re what?! Going in?! Howie why?!”
Howie: “I lost it right near the dock, people could step on it if they go swimming!”
Cheryl: “Oh Howie…”
Howie proceeded to strip down to his boxers, then started creeping up to the four-foot deep water area where he dropped the lure.
Howie (crying out in little girl-like yelps): “Ah! Ah! Cold! Cold!”
The water crept up even higher over his thighs.
Howie: “AH! COLD! WORST PART! AH!”
Cheryl (uncontrollably laughing): “Oh… this is awesome.”
Howie was holding up the sides of his boxers, in a futile attempt to avoid getting them wet.
Cheryl: “Howie! Why are you holding your boxers up? Just take them off!”
Howie: “What if Granny sees my wiener?!”
Cheryl: “Oh Howie, it’s 6am, no one is looking.”
Howie: “I can’t risk it!”
Howie got to the spot of the lure. At this point I think it’s finally sinking in (no pun intended) that he’s got to submerge his upper half in order to retrieve the lure.
Howie: “Cher! Can you bring me my t-shirt?”
Cheryl: “What for?”
Howie: “I’m going to use it like a glove so I don’t prick my fingers on the lure!”
Cheryl: “Augh Howie! Then your shirt will get all gross and lake-y!”
Howie: “Just pass it to me please!”
I passed Howie his t-shirt. Like a heroic duck, Howie bobbed under the water and came up with the lure in his t-shirt wrapped hand.
Howie: “YES! Got it!”
Cheryl: “Good work babe.”
Howie: “Ha ha! How is that for impressive eh?”
Cheryl: “Very impressive babe.”
Howie: “My eyes sting.”
Cheryl: “Why would you open your eyes in that water?”
Howie: “I don’t know.”
And thus began year two of our marriage. Let’s hope the following 364 days are not as eventful, or early…. or involve so much vomit.
How did other newlyweds celebrate their first year of marriage? Please tell me it was as romantic as ours!